Bossy, soft, loud, gritty, spacious, bold, gentle, playful, elegant.
What makes you you?
And are you owning all of it?
For years, I only showed parts of myself. I’d unconsciously check in and see: what will give me the most bang for my buck in this situation? If I play it nice, will this person like me more? If I turn up the sex appeal and dial down the intensity, will I be loved?
Will I get what I want by adjusting myself to someone else’s expectations?
As I moved deeper into relationship with people who wanted me to show up a certain way, I buried even more of myself.
I didn’t want to be too bold, too opinionated, too exuberant, too clumsy.
It was like playing with dimmer switches until it became turning some of the lights off completely.
I became a version of myself who smiled when I didn’t feel like smiling and bottled up my anger.
I resented the people around me because I made up that they couldn’t accept and love me for me.
And the truth is, some of them couldn’t.
Because they couldn’t accept parts of themselves either.
Here’s the thing about trying to be what you think the world wants from you:
You will never be enough for people who don’t believe they are enough.
Whatever people can’t be with in themselves, they can’t be with in you.
It’s simple. Yet we make up stories and take on other people’s stuff until we’re loaded down with a thousand reasons to dim our shine.
We are here to be free, fulfilled and abundant. To radiate light like a mofo. And to love our dark parts too.
The reason a lot of people have so much trouble figuring out what they’re here to do in the world? Fail at business? Can’t find the right relationship?
It’s because they’ve cast off so many of their desires and natural ways of being in the world that the right people can’t find them.
When you reclaim you dark, your light, your soft, your strong, your exact way of showing up in the world, the people who are your people can see you.
You shine like a bright beacon across a landscape of dulled down grey and ill fits.
The right people start showing up. And they want to hire you, marry you, spend all of their time with you.
You are so clearly the right or wrong fit that people can say, “Give me some of that” or “No, thank you.”
We tend to put most of our focus on the “no, thank you” part, never realizing how amazing the right fit feels.
You can have everyone sort of like you or you can accept right now that you’re not everyone’s cup of tea.
But, oh man, are you somebody’s. Lots of somebodies.
As I journeyed back to myself over the past two years, I discovered all sorts of unclaimed parts and slowly invited them back in. Like shy lovers, clumsy and unsure of how to make amends, we just kind of sat around for a while and got used to each other. Sometimes we fought. And, after a while, it was like, “Damn, where have you been all my life?” We got cozy. (Though, let’s be real: sometimes we still fight).
The opinionated brat, the vulnerable child, the intuitive sage, the risk taker.
I am many, many things. But what I can see clearly now is what makes up the core of me. Who I naturally attract. What I’m here to do in the world.
And I know how to articulate it to others:
I’m a big-hearted truth teller, a perspective shifter, a lioness.
I see to the heart of what’s holding people back in about three seconds flat.
And I see through to the brilliant potential on the other side.
I am intense and I am pure.
I am opinionated and perceptive. I call it like I see it. And my intentions are true.
I am fierce love.
Since I started showing up more and more me?
Everything’s shifted. I am more loved and more loving. I have an amazing partner, I do work I am passionate about with people who sing my praises and who I adore right back. I no longer believe the old story that work and money have to look a certain way. I have created a different reality and stepped into it. And I surround myself with amazing people and experiences.
When you show up as your real-deal self, it isn’t hard to create this kind of life. You naturally start drawing the things you want towards you.
Instead of trying to figure out what the world wants from you, step into who you naturally are. Start peeling back the expectations and see what’s really underneath. Pay attention to the way your heart quickens in conversations and what you’re really obsessed with. It’s often so obvious but we make it unclear through years of conditioning and making it wrong. Our truth is constantly trying to break through and get our attention.
Who are you? And what are you here to do?
Working on owning it? Come on over and join my brand spanking new women’s empowerment tribe, Own Your Magic, where we practice owning all of it in a supportive, collaborative space. It’s for women who know they’re here to have impact and want to step into their dreams. Cause if you want more of the good stuff, you’ve got to show up for it.
See you in there.